Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
You are passing soon.
I received a phone call this morning telling me that my Great Uncle is in the hospital and they were getting ready to take him off of the machines and let him pass.
I'm having a very hard time with this as I have always been very close to him. I've spent the day either crying or in a pure daze. My first reaction was to find a way to go to the funeral in Wyoming. So I started pricing flights, bus, trains, etc. Only to find that everything is extremely expensive and I won't be able to go. This set me off into another hysteric of knowing that I won't be there with my Aunt.
My Aunt and I have a very special relationship as well. When her mother passed I was there with her and helped her through everything. When her father passed several years ago we just happened to be visiting in AR (they were still living in AR at the time) so I was there with her through that too. I hate that I can't be with my Aunt during this sad time in her life. My aunt and uncle have been together forever, their kids are in the mid 40's so they've been together for a very long time. I really just want to be able to be with my aunt during this time and I can't. I think that's the hardest thing for me.
I knew today was coming, I was actually waiting for the phone call when I woke up. My uncle and I have always had a "weird" connection. He's been in pretty bad health for a very long time (I remember being 7ish and sitting in hospitals waiting for him to come out of heart surgery). But every time, just before or right after (but before I found out), something happened to him I would have a dream about cancer. The dream has always been a family member or some faceless person in the dream being diagnosed with cancer. Well last night I had a dream that *I* was diagnosed with cancer. I just knew something was wrong and was waiting to hear the news. I was terrified to call my mom cause I knew it wouldn't be good. I only had to wait about 10 minutes before my moms boyfriend called me to tell me what was going on. When you answer the phone and the first thing they say is "are you sitting down" you know it's not good.
So now we wait. I wait for the phone that will wake me up in the middle of the night telling me that he has passed, telling me that his body is no longer suffering, telling me that his soul has been set free. I wait for that news, I hope that news comes quickly. I hope he passes quickly and easily for his sake and my Aunts. I know my aunt, grandma (uncle sister), and his sons are sitting by his side waiting. I hope he passes quickly so they aren't having to suffer through watching and waiting for a long time.
I started knitting back in July and absolutely love it! I am 100% addicted to it. The magic of making something with my own hands (yarn and needles as well of course :P) is pure joy. I spend my time playing with my son and knitting... yep the house work has been neglected some lol but not completely I swear!!!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Obviously for legal reason I can not go into details but I will say that my first doula experience was AMAZING!!!! They OB gave me all 5's (out of 5) for my certification questionnaire and wrote "We love having supportive, encouraging doulas at births". I am literally floating on air and can not wait until my next client (which I don't currently have).